Training Bra Burner

Al Gore's elementary teacher ridiculed a student for thinking the seven continents used to fit together.

Janice Duff and I chatted incessantly in 2nd grade.

For the better part of my grade school years, I was raised by a former homecoming queen and an ex-hippie.

A couple friends and I were recently talking about our experiences in elementary school.  We found that we all were at some point either shunned for talking too much, or found ourselves separated from the group on a field trip due to our lack of listening skills. 

If I came home with a "C" in math, my mom would drill my multiplication tables, quiz me with flash cards, and play number games with me.  When I got a "C" for talking in class too much, she said, "So, you're social."

Laura Ward.  She ate so slowly.  At Zia Elementary, as well as other schools, I'm sure, lunch ran in shifts.  As the first graders were finishing up, the second graders were filing in to get started.  If you were a slow fourth grader, you could kinda blend in with the older kids until you were done.  Fifth graders had no grace period.  In fifth grade, I would patiently wait for my best friend Laura to finish before hitting the monkey bars.  The head custodian, Joe, would tell us to hurry up.  Some days he was meaner than others.  But Laura, the B type personality to my A, would continue to dine at her tortoise-like pace until she was done.  We were always the last two to leave. 

I talked to my mom about Laura, frustrated that she was so slow.  My mom listened, and asked me how long it took her to eat.  I told her Laura couldn't finish in the ten minutes we were given.  Mom, concerned, made an appointment to meet with our principal to negotiate a few more minutes for fifth grade lunch.  I got to go to this meeting with my mom.  The principal gave me a chance to plead my case.  She was very friendly and granted us five more minutes at lunch.  I felt proud of my efforts, and supported by my mom.

I walked tall, all the way down the hall, and into Mrs. Southard's classroom.  I was a hero to the whole class!  Everyone knew that I was resposible for getting a more leisurely lunch break.  After afternoon recess Mrs. Southard had a talk with our class.  Unfortunately, I can't remember her exact words.  She basically said that a student, who would remain anoymous, hassled the administration for extra lunch time.  This student had no respect for Joe and the hard work he does.  The actions this student took were unnecessary and thoughtless.  And now, on to our geography lesson. 

I could barely breathe.  I was so mortified.  I had stood up for what I thought was right, and she crushed me.  In front of everybody.  We did get five more minutes for lunch for the rest of the year, though. 

I guess the lesson was that there is nothing more important to a child than for her parents to believe in her.  Also, true friendship means more than a "C" on your report card.  And Mrs. Southard was having an affair with Joe the custodian.  OK, that last one is a lie, but wouldn't that be funny?