Thursday, August 24, 2006

Voodoo Pee-conomics


If you are offended by urination references, this is not the blog for you.  If you like pee-pee talk, read on!

I live with a boy.  He lives with me.  We are not the neatest people in the world.  We have lives, etc.  Cleaning just isn't very high on our totem pole of household duties.  Once we finally get done paying the bills, we are so drunk from celebrating that we are just too sluggish to get up and vacuum.  I'm getting off on a tangent, here. 

As lazy as we are about general cleanliness, never do we forget to flush the toilet.  We would have to be pretty ripped up from a bill-paying party to forget that.  And the whole process of flushing in a vintage walkup in Chicago is a big deal.  They can be tough little customers.  My point is, flushing is not one of those forgettable rituals for us.  Get to the point, Bree.

Roger.  He is our little rescued forest cat.  Just a shade below feral.  It took a long time to penetrate Roger's inner sanctum.  Marky and I have made the mistake of not socializing Roger quite enough.  We just aren't the party animals we used to be.  Murray, our old kitty, had his own tiny lampshade he would don for all the crazy soirĂ©es of old.  OK, not really, but he would head-butt a few ankles other than our own, and certainly sit on some foreign laps.  Not our Roger.  We had some houseguests recently, and he not only acted the snob, but started peeing in corners.  I understand that he felt his territory had been invaded, but once the houseguests left, he continued down this pee-pee path. 

In Roger's defense, we did recently change his clumping litter to a more flushable, pine sawdust version.  Marky sometimes channels Roger, voicing that he is mildly alarmed that the new voodoo litter will invade his pee-hole, and therefore prefers to relieve himself on hardwood floors or possibly a nice soft pillow.  We invested in the "Spray-No-More" stuff that encourages pets not to whiz on your couch, and the problem has died.  The weird thing is...  We don't know where he is whizzing.  Seriously, weve searched high and low, sniffing every corner, and can't find any offensive spots.  He certainly has written off the cat box. 

Back to the aforementioned flushing:  I have witnessed 4 occasions where the toilet has been left unflushed (pee only).  Could it be, that in his efforts to mark his territory, Roger has begun to mark the one place in our house that we want him to?  The potty bowl?  The first time I was incredulous.  The second, doubtful.  The third, intrigued.  And the fourth, almost convinced.  Am I dreaming?  Have we unwittingly trained our cat to use the toilet?!!

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Lucy In The Sky With Purls


I have officially been knitting for 9 days.  Ask me how it feels.  Okay, I'll tell you.  It feels great. 

I vowed not to hustle my knitting instructor.  I have hustled many a karaoke night, tetris battle, and domino table, but not Lucy.  That's the name of my Danish/Swedish/Hungarian knittista.  The accent escapes me, but it is relaxing as all get out.  And her hands!  They are petite and smooth.  Lucy has the hands of a teenager.  J'adore Lucy.  When I found out CloseKnit offered private knitting lessons, I just about peed myself.  Suffering from a case of acute schedulitis, a group class just wasn't going to happen.  $25 for an hour of individualized instruction was exactly what I needed. 

After admitting that I am an avid crocheter, and that I have struggled with knitting, we were off.  Lucy had me show her what I could do.  Since I vowed not to hustle, I had not reviewed any of my "moves" before the class.  When she asked me to cast on, I faltered, laughed, and moved on.  The whole experience reminded me of teaching kids how to sing.  There are a hundred things you can learn about a kid by watching them sing for 15 seconds.  After only seeing me make a big mess of my yarn, my instructor had my number.  Lucy had me make a couple of tiny style modifications, and my knitting instantly improved.

As our lesson sadly drew to an close, Lucy summed up my progress: I am quite efficient and I have very little motion.  I am halfway thorugh a manly scarf at this time.  Hopefully more of the men in my life can move to a cooler climate so that I can finally get away with 100% cheap Christmas gifts!!!