Stop Thief! Or, Just Go For It. Whatever.

Salads.  I've been really good about them.  I've also been trying to avoid buying lunch during work, because it's a real drain on the wallet.  So I schlep a piece of fruit and Tupperware of salad in my backpack, haul ass to work on my bike, and rush to get it in the fridge before it all wilts.  I keep a bottle of dressing in the work fridge all the time, and enjoy it when lunch time comes.  

Lately, though, my dressing has been dwindling.  It seems I'd get a few good squirts from a large bottle, and then poof!  It's gone.  For this reason, I quit buying nice dressing, and just going for the plain Jane Italian stuff.  Still, it moved like hotcakes.  Who was doing this?  I moved the dressing to a different shelf, and the entire bottle disappeared.  I needed a cheap, creative solution that didn't involve labeling, spitting, or a rent-a-cop.   I assessed my newest bottle of Italian dressing and decided to use that which was most obnoxious about modern groceries.  

The safety seal.  

That previously aggravating little blister of shrinkwrap/rubber/PVC, whatever it is, would be my rent-a-cop.  "But Crafty, how can you enjoy your Italian dressing if you leave the safety seal intact?"  I'll tell you.  I'll cut through that first blue seal on the cap, unscrew it, open the safety seal about halfway, and pour some out.  Then (learned this on MacGruber), I'll replace the seal, and screw the cap back on.  The first person who pops the top on the cap won't be able to get any dressing out, because the safety seal will prevent it!  Ha HA!  Surely after squeezing, struggling, and eventually failing, the perp will move on to an easier mark.  

A couple of days went by, and my plan was working beautifully.  I got to enjoy my dressing for more than a week, and I was feeling confident that my bottle would survive until I used the last serving.  Then the perp revealed him/herself.  I won't name names.  We'll call him/her "Blank."

  

While I sat on the couch knitting through my lunch hour, Blank walked in with a salad.  I was really only watching with my peripheral vision until the shaking started.  Shaking, lunging, struggling.  Then muttering.  "What the?  What is wrong with this thing," Blank murmured.  Blank then tried to unscrew the cap, but it was too tight.  Perps like Blank typically have no upper body strength, due to their lack of morals.  Rather than intervene, I watched in horror.   

"Give it up, Blankie.  Move on to another bottle," I thought.  As if there were no witnesses, Blank raised the knife and stabbed.  

"Urgh!" The dressing seemed to sigh.  Blank stabbed again, mercilessly.  "You win," my poor defenseless bottle whimpered.  Blank threw the weapon in the sink and squeezed the exhausted Italian dressing on his/her salad, which was probably stolen, too.  

There is no stopping lunch time larcenists.  It takes something stronger than a plastic seal to curb that behavior. It takes a defensive move like purchasing 175 1-ounce portion cups with lids.  I fill those babies up with delicious expensive dressing at home, and pop one in my daily salad.  No mess, no theft.  When a coworker recently complained to me that someone ate his chicken salad sandwich right out of the fridge, I asked him if he'd written his name on it, or had a special lunch bag to deter such offenses.  His answers were all no.  When I offered to knit him a sandwich cozy, he laughed it off as ridiculous.  

Amateur.