Introducing Tifanie

Tifanie was a Junior when I was a Freshman in high school.  We were in theater and French class together.  Tifanie was sort of dark and mysterious at first, but when I got to know her better, she was downright sweet and maternal.  There were three things that Tifanie did that I wanted to emulate: She laughed like a woman, not a girl.  She dyed her hair cool colors.   She also sounded like a real Frenchy when she recited text in Mr. Harrison's class. 

For reasons unknown to myself, Tifanie had an argument with a fellow thespian, Simon.  She was obviously very upset with him, and he needed to apologize.  In lieu of flowers (which would have been a good move at that point), Simon brought Tifanie an artichoke.  Instead of raising an eyebrow, like a scorned woman should have, Tifanie threw her head back in laughter and forgave him.  It was a good lesson for me. 

Oh, You Ate One, Too?

I almost cried on the treadmill. Not because I was in pain--they were potential tears of joy. Thank goodness for the sweat towel.

So, I caught the middle of the 2007 Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony yesterday. Zack de La Rocha was giving a speech, and after a friend and I had a lively discussion about Rage vs. Audioslave, I tuned in. He was nervously introducing Patti Smith. (Trivia: Why did Zack introduce Patti?) She slowly, also nervously, accepted and thanked all her family and friends. She told two stories that just killed me. One was about her husband telling her that she would be inducted into the Hall of Fame someday. He told her to accept it, act like a lady, and not use too many curse words. Her speech ran so long that they had to cut her off with some piano tinklings. She sang "Because the Night", which I never appreciated until then, and I think the Hall of Fame committee decided to cut her a break. She really had more speech to give. Before her second song, she paid tribute to her deceased mother, who LOVED Patti's music. Just hours before her death, Patti's mother asked her if she had gotten into the Hall of Fame yet. Patti told her she hadn't. Her mother told her that it would happen, and she wouldn't be there, but asked Patti to sing her favorite song. The song she liked to vaccuum to. And Patti launched into the electrifying "Rock 'n' Roll N*%$er". I am totally going to play that song the next time I have to vaccuum.

Now, name a member of the original line up of Van Halen. Now name another. And another. Do you know the last one? Eddie and Alex, David Lee Roth, those are gimmes, the only reason I know Michael Anthony's name is because I was raised on MTV, and "Hot for Teacher" was in heavy rotation in the early 80's. During Patti's speech, The camera panned the audience. Is that you, Michael Anthony? There's the unmisktakeable Sammy Hagar. Surely if Van Halen is being inducted today, the other boys would be shown soon. Who am I kidding? They probably had a fist fight backstage right before the show started. Velvet Revolver (fittingly) introduced the tumultuous band, and out came Sammy, Michael, and... nobody else. I guess Eddie is drying up at home, and who knows about David and Alex.

Well, Sammy said some very sweet stuff about Eddie. He also pointed out the tight harmonies that make Van Halen's unmistakeable sound. Sammy said it never would have sounded that way without Michael Anthony. All I have to say is, that after all the bad behavior at awards shows, the one who never seemed to talk any shit, was Michael Anthony. And in my opinion, this is the award that counts. And he was the one who finally got the spotlight on the big day. Yay, underdog. And although the Hall of Fame committee didn't recognize him award-wise, Michael gave props to Gary Cherone for his participation. What a good guy.

Oh, and, 1984 is still easily one of my top ten favorite albums.

What is My Thesis Statement???

I want to tell all my friendsand family to give up about 14 hours of their time.  I think that the "Up Series" is as important to watch as "Roots".  There are 7 episodes in all.  Just trust me.  Director Michael Apted interviewed a handful of 7-year olds in England in 1963.  Then he revisted them every seven years.  Simple concept.  "Give me the child until he is 7, I will show you the man."  Kids from different socioeconomic backgrounds.  They sampled children from elite private schools to orphanages.  Originally, I think the plan was just to see if these kids were destined to stay in the class they were born into.  OK.  I don't want to give anything away, but I want to give people a reason to watch these movies. 

I am obsessed with these people.  The stardom-obsessed freaks on Fear Factor, Idol, Real World, and any other modern reality show have nothing on these extraordinarily ordinary people.  I love little kids, so the first installment, "7-Up" was wonderful.  I saw these little kids with hopes and dreams, and the world at their doorstep.   They all had cute English accents and are dressed in tidy school uniforms.  Irresistable. 

Then, remembering the torture of adolescence, I was drawn to "14-Up".  Knowing that childhood is the shortest part of life, I wanted to catch them before they looked like full-blown adults.  I wanted to know if they were still hopeful, if they were gawky teens, sullen, etc.  "21-Up" would surely show what these kids were shaping up to become as adults. And since I was around that age at the time I first saw the series, "28-Up" was important to me.  By the time I got through all those years of history, I was hopelessly hooked. 

After watching the Roger Ebert interview with Michael Apted, I learned that there is at least one person who watched all the movies in a 24-hour period.  We came close.  It probably took us two weeks.  That was over a year ago, and the series only went up to age 42.  We finally stumbled upon "49-Up" in Hollywood Video.  It has been checked out for at least a month.  I snatched it two days ago, and Marky and I dove in. 

What is it about this series?  I guess I find it interesting that every human has a story.  No matter how dull a person's life may seem at first, there is a story there.  And the idea of a self-fulfilling prophecy, for the good or the bad.  Also, not to judge a book by its cover. 

I guess I just needed to get my love for this series off my chest.  I know everyone has a busy life, but if you are about to pop in "Tommy Boy" or "Zoolander" for the 13th time, give the "Up Series" some thought.

Mayor Daley Told Me To!

So, I don't really read the paper.  And I certainly don't watch sports.  But I am aware of two things:  1. There is a football team here in Chicago.  And they are going to compete in something called the "Super Bowl."  It's not going to take place in Chicago, which makes me doubt the existence of said game, but I digress.  2. The Mayor of our fair city has declared Feb. 2 "Wear the Bears to Work Day" requesting that we citizens show our support by donning team apparel.  Although I think it's a little odd to rename a day that already had animal connnotations (poor Punxatawney Phil), I have decided to cooperate. 

Get out your jacket--Hell has frozen over. 

I bought a Bears shirt.

Five Tiny Moments in Cinema

There are some spoilers in here, you can handle it. More than grandiose blockbuster moviestar studded huge epic hours of film, I love the little stuff. It can be a look, a mistake the director decided not to edit out, sometimes it's just golden silence. Rather than watch the Academy Awards (we saw about 4 minutes) we popped an Oscar contender in the DVD player - "Half Nelson" - and I decided to make a list of my favorite little things.

5. Ethan Hawke in "Reality Bites": When the group dances to "My Sharona" in the convenience store, Troy (Hawke) nervously smiles at the guy behind the counter. It always makes me laugh.

4. Jack Nicholson in "The Departed": I'm not going to pretend that people didn't notice this, but Costello's (Nicholson's) rat face during his discussion with Costigan (Leonardo DiCaprio) was priceless. Unnecessary, but it made me laugh out of sheer nervousness.

3. Marlon Brando in "On the Waterfront": When Terry (Brando) and Edie (Eva Marie Saint) are having a discussion on a swingset, Terry takes one of her little white gloves and tries it on. A big lug like that. Adorable.

2. Johnny Depp in "Benny and Joon": When Benny (Aidan Quinn) finds out that his little sister Joon (Mary Stuart Masterson) and Sam (Depp) are sleeping together, it looks like someone grabs the dial on Sam's emotional TV and starts flipping channels. Shock, giddiness, remorse, fear. All in a second.

1. Ryan Gosling picking up the stray cat in "Half Nelson". After seeing his cat dead in his apartment, Gosling's strung-out character instinctively picks up the first cat he sees. It was such a good choice. Why such a young cat? Was it the director's idea? What was he planning to do with the cat?

I realize that this list is a little man-heavy. What can I say? I like boys. After seeing the slant in this list, I will be sure to give props to all my fave lady moments, too!

All Hail King Ludd!

So, Amy called me a "Luddite."  I looked it up.  On the internet.  OK?

Forgive me for being fascinated by this little piece of historical trivia.  I didn't pay much attention in high school, and probably missed this story while filing my nails.  Since I believe everything I read, I am going to forgo using words like "apparently" and "allegedly" and just go for broke:  A couple of kids ridiculed 18th century Englishman Nedd Ludd for being a big dummy.  In retaliation, he grabbed a hammer and smashed up the kids' mother's stocking frame.

A stocking frame, pictured above, is a knitting machine.

In the 19th century, English textile workers started smashing up new textile machines which they felt threatened their livelihood.  These new machines could be operated by less-skilled workers, and probably less workers in general.  The Ned Ludd story doesn't really match the sentiment of the Luddites, but they both started some shit.  People who resist technological progress are referred to as Luddites. 

During a discussion regarding handhelds and blackberries, I added that I really like the visceral properties of my little green notebook.  I like writing stuff down with a pen, and flipping pages made of paper.  That's when Amy lovingly called me the "L" word. 

I liked the answering machine when it came out, mostly because I could make a really theatrical outgoing message.  When call waiting arrived on the phone scene, though, I got ticked.  I still don't like being bothered by that little beep on my line, or the click/silence on the other person's line.  Call me spineless, but I just haven't mastered the art of call waiting etiquette.  Now, when caller ID came around, I felt better about call waiting, but who doesn't get their feelings a little hurt by a call waiting snub?  Be honest. 

After many attempts, my mother and brother had to entice me to peruse something called the "World Wide Web" by showing me that there were pictures of the Monkees there.  I didn't acquire a cell phone until a few years ago, well after most of my friends and family.  What if I didn't want to be reached?   And don't get me started about the pitfalls of electric knives and breadmakers. 

The stocking frame story is particularly relevant to me because I am a knitter.  I'm no professional, but looking at websites that sell perfect machine-made pocketed scarves with neat buckles and buttons is disappointing.  The fact that most people would not know the difference between a handmade piece of clothing and a machine-made one is probably the thing that really disturbs me. 

Granted, my clothes are not all handmade, and I own a breadmaker that I am more than a little excited about christening.  I am writing this blog on MySpace after all.  But if I was stuck in a breadmakerless world, I could bang out some sick sourdough.  I read an article (with horrendous spelling errors - another lost art, unfortunately) where this guy claimed to be a neo-Luddite, but he only held unnecessary technology in contempt.  PDA's, automated kitty litter trays, and remote controls with 53 buttons?  They just aren't useful in this girl's life.  That's why I'm proud to be a Luddite.  I will continue to knit, create quilts, send handwritten notes, and keep a cute little paper date book.  And look at MySpace.  Be patient with me, I'll come around.

Training Bra Burner

Al Gore's elementary teacher ridiculed a student for thinking the seven continents used to fit together.

Janice Duff and I chatted incessantly in 2nd grade.

For the better part of my grade school years, I was raised by a former homecoming queen and an ex-hippie.

A couple friends and I were recently talking about our experiences in elementary school.  We found that we all were at some point either shunned for talking too much, or found ourselves separated from the group on a field trip due to our lack of listening skills. 

If I came home with a "C" in math, my mom would drill my multiplication tables, quiz me with flash cards, and play number games with me.  When I got a "C" for talking in class too much, she said, "So, you're social."

Laura Ward.  She ate so slowly.  At Zia Elementary, as well as other schools, I'm sure, lunch ran in shifts.  As the first graders were finishing up, the second graders were filing in to get started.  If you were a slow fourth grader, you could kinda blend in with the older kids until you were done.  Fifth graders had no grace period.  In fifth grade, I would patiently wait for my best friend Laura to finish before hitting the monkey bars.  The head custodian, Joe, would tell us to hurry up.  Some days he was meaner than others.  But Laura, the B type personality to my A, would continue to dine at her tortoise-like pace until she was done.  We were always the last two to leave. 

I talked to my mom about Laura, frustrated that she was so slow.  My mom listened, and asked me how long it took her to eat.  I told her Laura couldn't finish in the ten minutes we were given.  Mom, concerned, made an appointment to meet with our principal to negotiate a few more minutes for fifth grade lunch.  I got to go to this meeting with my mom.  The principal gave me a chance to plead my case.  She was very friendly and granted us five more minutes at lunch.  I felt proud of my efforts, and supported by my mom.

I walked tall, all the way down the hall, and into Mrs. Southard's classroom.  I was a hero to the whole class!  Everyone knew that I was resposible for getting a more leisurely lunch break.  After afternoon recess Mrs. Southard had a talk with our class.  Unfortunately, I can't remember her exact words.  She basically said that a student, who would remain anoymous, hassled the administration for extra lunch time.  This student had no respect for Joe and the hard work he does.  The actions this student took were unnecessary and thoughtless.  And now, on to our geography lesson. 

I could barely breathe.  I was so mortified.  I had stood up for what I thought was right, and she crushed me.  In front of everybody.  We did get five more minutes for lunch for the rest of the year, though. 

I guess the lesson was that there is nothing more important to a child than for her parents to believe in her.  Also, true friendship means more than a "C" on your report card.  And Mrs. Southard was having an affair with Joe the custodian.  OK, that last one is a lie, but wouldn't that be funny?