YaaaaaaarnCon!

Last weekend, I manned a table at...



photo courtesy of YarnCon.com



I came, I saw, I knitted.  And I sold!  Finally, I feel like I have the right amount of inventory for a show of this size.   I met a girl who does roller derby.  I met a 12-year-old vegetarian who appreciates the cruelty-free nature of my art.  I met a guy who balanced a skein of yarn in his hat.  More about him later. 



photo courtesy of http://www.flickr.com/photos/moonrat/



The event took place at the Pulaski Park Fieldhouse, a large recreational building that is part of the Chicago Park District.  Other craft fairs happen here, and the photo opportunities alone are enough reason to set up there.  Unfortunately, I didn't get to be a resident in the super cool photo-op room, but maybe next year. 

Handmade knit/crochet tables like mine were vastly outnumbered by booths draped in yarn, and ready-to-spin fibres.  Although it's always nice to have a partner at these fairs, I was glad to be stuck at my station, unable to blow my whole paycheck on these amazing materials. 

Also, I was surrounded by experienced knitters.  They could take one look at my designs and figure them out in their heads.  Those who couldn't, asked if they could purchase the patterns.  Note to self: You need to write and publish patterns on Ravelry!  Maybe one a month for a year.  Fruit Suits, Schneeds, perhaps the Fox Scarf.   I kicked myself a little for not having some nice printouts to sell.  Lesson learned. 



photo courtesy of http://www.flickr.com/photos/moonrat/



Pictured above is the gym where I set up shop.  Can you see Mannequiña in the back corner?  The coordinators and several vendors came around throughout the day to make sure we were okay, and asked if we needed a coffee break.  One such visit was paid by a coordinator's husband, who told me all about their recent adventure at Yarn School.  I really think I'm going to save up some pennies and go next year.  This couple renovated an empty high school in Kansas, turned classrooms into dorms, and now teach one-week classes in spinning, dyeing, and felting.  It sounds like summer camp, and I can't stop thinking about it. 

My next door neighbor at the fair was Fabi and her Amigurumi creations from Polka Dot Umbrellas.  I only wondered for a moment why she doesn't use plastic eyes like in my Foxy Woxy scarf.  After checking out her Etsy shop, my suspicion was confirmed that her designs are 100% baby-friendly, no choking hazards.  Smart cookie, that Fabi.  The red lobster is my favorite.  If you know anyone having a baby, even if you need something custom, look her up. 


And finally...

photo courtesy of http://www.flickr.com/photos/moonrat/

He's the perfect husband.  This young man strolled through the 'Con, displaying a new color scheme of his wife's yarn every round.  I don't know any other hubbies out there who sacrifice their Saturday to literally act as a walking advertisement for a craft booth.  Bravo, yarn guy!  You deserve a beer. 

Spiral Pens

Something special happened on Tuesday.  I don't know what it was, but some have called this the best Unconditional Craft Night EVER.  Those people may have also been drinking.  In any case, let me indulge you with the glorious art of of Spiral Pens.  

You'll need to choose three contrasting colors of Sculpey or Fimo polymer clay. I like to use one dark color, one light, and one metallic. These first few photos are a dramatic re-enactment, because we were so caught up in the excitment of conditioning the clay on UCN, we didn't take photos. Sometimes you just gotta live, you know?

First, break a chunk of clay off and moosh it down a little into a fat pancake.  Roll it through the pasta machine (aka Clay Conditioning Device, aka High-Tech Molecule Redistributor) on the widest setting.  

(Moving on to a new color, same technique) fold the sheet of clay in half, and crank it through the ringer.  Keep folding and rolling on the same setting until the clay is approximately the same texture as a square of American cheese.  You can repeat this process as many times as you want.  You are only limited by how high you can count.  Once you have a nice square/rectangle, decrease the clay conditioner setting a notch or two.  Do not fold the clay.  Decrease again, roll again, and repeat, until you are at the second or third from the last setting.  Note to crafty cheese lovers: resist the temptation to roll Pub Cheese, Brie Cheese, or even a hearty Gouda through the Clay Conditioning Device.  Unless you've been drinking, and then it's okay.  

Try your best to get the sheets of clay to be the same size and shape.  This is not an exact science, so don't sweat it if you have some crummy edges.  Stack them together like a sandwich, press gently and uniformly so all three layers are sealed together.  Change the clay conditioning machine back to the widest setting, and send all three sheets through.  Cut the crusts off the sandwich, as it were.

Now, roll up your clay sandwich like a tight burrito.  Or sushi maki.  Or a jelly roll, whatever makes you happy.  Using gentle pressure, roll the burrito back and forth, until you have a snake of clay about 1/2" thick.  With a sharp razor ("Safety First" was the motto of this UCN), slice the ragged ends off the snake to reveal a perfect tri-color swirl.     

Slice 1/8" medallions off of the snake.  If you want to be extra crafty, stop slicing once you're about 2/3 of the way through the snake.  Take the remaining 1/3 and roll it into a thinner coil.  Then slice away.  Now you'll have two sizes of spirals to work with!  Celebrate your ingenuity with a cocktail.

Remove the meat of the pen with pliers.  All you need to cook these babies is the outer plastic shell.  We used clear plastic Bic Pens, and they didn't warp at all in the oven.  Working one at a time, press clay spirals all over the pen shell.  You can overlap them, join them tightly together like bricks, switch colors, whatever you please.  Once the pen is covered, you can roll it gently on the tabletop to smooth out the bumps and fingerprints.  Bumpy is a nice look, too.  The most important thing is that the whole pen shell is covered.  Try not to let any clay get in the hole where the ink cartridge will fit back in.  Now's the time to avoid restructuring issues.  

Bake the pens in a preheated 250˚ oven.  This is a little lower temp than recommended on the clay package, it ensures you won't melt the pen.  To keep the designs from cooking unevenly, you might want to suspend them in midair.  You can do this by sticking bamboo skewers in a foil ball and hanging the pens on the skewers, or stick a little clay in a baking dish and stick the skewers in there.   Bake for 15 minutes.  Just enough time to enjoy a frosty beverage.

And here are our final products.  The last step is letting your piece of art cool, and replacing the ink cartridge.  As you can see, we used two different color palettes, and those two eventually got mixed up into new designs.  This was a fun, easy, and cheap craft.  Cheers, Michele and Kristin, again, for all the great pictures!!

Craft Super Show 2010

Last Friday, I made the drive to Rosemont to go to a little craft experience called Craft Super Show.  All the big names would be there.  Fiskars, JoAnn, Cricut, Lion Brand, and I was sure I would be surrounded by all of 12 other crafters from the area.  I was wrong.  No exaggeration, there were about 1000 people in line in front of me, waiting to get in.  Some of them were dressed up as bugs, some had huge project bags with them.  Some were hosting their own web shows as they walked around.  I tightened the straps of my camo backpack, took a deep breath, and walked in.  

Of all the tables, about half were scrapbooking stations.  I tried scrapbooking once, and I made a valiant effort, but it's really all about the tools.  I don't get it.  It's a lovely endeavor for those who have the means, but I just don't get it!  Anyway, this little card was a Make and Take project for a buck, so I gave it a go.  I stenciled, embossed, and sponge painted the copper card.  Then I made the fabric flower and punched a hole for the brad to hold it in place.  I punched corners in the navy blue card and added some copper paper clips.  I like it.  I still don't get it.

This was a beautiful moment.  I've always wanted to learn how to make this I-cord, and I've seen the knitting bug in stores, but I didn't know how to use him.  The lady from Lion Brand taught me, and I gave her a tip on how to get the yarn unstuck from inside the bug's body (just a little puff of air sends the yarn right through).  And when I was done, she let me keep the bug!  Doesn't take much to send me over the moon at Craft Shows.

If An Elephant Can Paint, the paint-your-own-pottery studio had ornaments for Make and Take.  I covered it with a wax paint, then burnished it until it was shiny.  I wrote lyrics from love songs along the edge, and added puffy paint hearts in the middle.  The puffy paint fell off when it was dry, but I wasn't upset.  I'd like another go at this project, using just wax paint.  

In an effort to try new things, and get over my problem with scrapbooking, I went to a die cut station making felt brooches.  I rolled out the paper and felt, and sewed a button on one side, and a pin on the other.  I really like this pin.  It took me about four times as long to complete this project than the veterans at the table.  I broke a sweat, and they were looking at me like I was nuts.  

I signed up for a potholder class at 1:45, knowing that Wendy Russell, the host of She's Crafty, would be holding a craft competition at 2pm.  I had a really hard time with the potholder, and I think the cranky ladies teaching me wanted to go to lunch or something.  Maybe they'd just never seen someone accidentally sew over a pin, I don't know.  But I sat there for a good half hour, struggling to finish, and I missed my opportunity to see Wendy.  I finally finished the potholder, and as grumpy as I was, I did learn a couple things.  I started to leave pushing through the hundreds of crafters in my way, knowing Wendy wouldn't be back until 4pm.  I didn't care about waiting.  I was done.  

Then I couldn't find the exit.  But I did find sloppy joes.  I ate lunch, got an ice cream cone, and with renewed interest, walked around for awhile, just looking about.  I spied Crafty Chica and the lady who hosts Knit and Crochet Today.  Maybe Wendy was walking around?  It was 3:15, and I thought I'd just hang out with the throng, waiting for Wendy to make an Elvis-like entrance.  Will she charge me $20 or $25 for an autograph, I thought.  

I found her station, and there she was.  Setting up a table.  No one was camped out in sleeping bags.  There was no one at all.  I fumbled through my bag, looking for the... ahem... Craft Night "party hats" that were inspired by her show.  She was about to walk back into her tent, when I exclaimed, "Wendy Russell will you sign my tassels?!"  Wendy was a very good sport, laughed heartily, and happily autographed both tassels.  She had her assistant take pictures with her camera and mine.  She was very nice.  When it came time for me to give her one of my clever business cards, my backpack zipper jammed.  Mercilously.  I thought I would have to grab a Fiskars and do open pocket surgery right there.  But she remembered my name, and hopefully won't forget Tassel Girl.  

Also made at the show were a decoupaged frame and a duct tape wallet with credit card pockets.  I got lots of great new ideas, and had fun by myself.  

Shrinky Dink Rings: A Tutorial

Wonderseptuplet Powers ACTIVATE!

In order to create successful Shrinky Dink Rings, make sure you have plenty of generic crackers, adult beverages with umbrella straws, and Low Fat Pub Cheese.  You might also want to have on hand shrink paper, scissors, rulers, a rotary cutter with a self-healing board, permanent markers, various and sundry items that are roughly the diameter of your finger (chapstick tubes, highlighters, etc), and hole punchers... that is, if you ever get to the crafting part of Unconditional Craft Night.  I'd like to send a quick shout out to The Commish for her endeavors as photographer and Pub Cheese handler--Thanks KB!

Cut a strip about 5 1/2" x 1" for an average size ring.  You should really bake a tester ring to see if the length is right for you.  If it's a little too short, you can manage with some empty space in the back, but if it's too long, overlap in the back isn't very comfortable to wear.  As far as the width, you can go as thin as 1/2" or as thick as 1 1/2" comfortably. 

Decorate your ring with permanent markers before baking.  Keep in mind that the colors become more concentrated when they shrink.  By that same token, your design lines with be very tiny and intricate when they shrink down.  Play with size!  If you want to add a charm to the ring, be sure to punch a hole where you want it.

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees.  Line a cookie sheet with two brown paper lunch bags:  one to line the sheet, one to place on top of the shrink paper to keep it from curling up.  So... yeah... do that.  Bake for 5-6 minutes, grab a hot pad and get ready to roll. 

The plastic will be hot and malleable for about 10 seconds, so you have to be confident and work quickly.  This is where that aforementioned test ring comes in handy.  Using your finger-sized chapstick tube (or whatever works for you), wrap the hot plastic around the tube and hold tightly with the hot pad.  If you're feeling ballsy, you can grab that plastic out of the oven with your bare fingers.  You can be a little more aggressive and perfecting this way.  I still think you should have a hot pad handy, because once you have the ring placed perfectly on your cylinder, you should hold it there for a bit to cure.  It's too hot to handle for more than a second or two. 

It takes some practice, and your first ring will probably turn out poorly.  If you bomb and your perfectly decorated ring is all wonky, though, you can fix it.  Just pop it back in the oven for a minute or two and it should soften back up. 

And here's what your final product should look like.  Most importantly, have fun.  And whatever you come up with, it's beautiful, and you're a good crafter.  You can do it!

If Crafting's Wrong, I Don't Wanna Be Right

Is this the same high Spiderman fans have after Comicon? I don't know, but I feel pretty amazing after Chicago Craft Social.  A raffle, snack table, and the promise of Chipotle chips and salsa upon exit.  There were about 15 tables, and I wish I could've stayed for two days.  Here's what I got for my $20.  

First, I joined Iris from Polyform as she walked our double table through Mokume Madness.  Basically, you stack up several thin sheets of brightly colored Sculpey clay, beat it up with tools, then shave thin slices off the top.  Those shaved slices (due to the abrasions, cuts, and dents) display fantastic patterns in all those colors you stacked up.  We used those funkadelic clay slices to fill bracelet, necklace, and earring blanks.  Not only had Iris already prepared our clay for us, she had about a dozen tools, extra clay, and boxes for us to take our completed work home.

It was just like being at Unconditional Craft Night.  She praised our work, whether we were fast, slow, sloppy, or exacting in our jewelry making.  I'm so glad I brought my big backpack, otherwise I don't know how I would've carried all the free swag.  If you want to try it on your own, here's how to do Mokume Gane.  I can't wait to craft more with my boatload of fresh clays.  Thank you Polyform!!

My next move was inevitable.  I couldn't resist the gravitational pull of Arcadia Knitting's table of yarn cakes.  Arcadia is easily my favorite Chicago LYS.  Sharon lead the team in Flip Flop Fun, providing all the yarn and flip flops.  Armed with my trusty size 8 needles and an upholstery needle, I dove in. 
First I cast on 60 stitches with this funky three-yarn blend.  I worked about 10 rows of garter stitch, then I bound it off.  The piece was approximately 12"x2".  I left a tail of twice the length of the piece, then used the upholstery needle to whip stitch the piece around the flip flop straps.  Before starting to stitch, I tied a scrap of yarn at the midway point of the swatch.  This project obviously doesn't demand exacting measurements, but I felt more in control marking the midpoint, Eyelash or fuzzy yarn is probably the best idea for this project, seeing as it's more forgiving in the stitching department.  What I'm saying is, this should be a low-stress project, and in the words of Tim Gunn, just "make it work."

The knitting makes an otherwise cheap, uncomfortable pair of flip flops very comfy and fun. 

To the right is a picture of everything I came away with.  Not pictured are all the yummy snacks and camaraderie we all enjoyed.  I'm so glad I braved the threat of thunderstorms.  I'll definitely come again.

Stitch 'n Bitch Loaded

Welcome to Stitch 'n Bitch Loaded, where you don't need experience to be a Hooker! You too can be a part of this wild, weekly, Wednesday experience every week from 7pm to 9pm. Bring your needles, hooks, yarn, string, floss, whatever you're working on. Jenny, our lovely and talented host will liven your life with luscious libations while playing the roles of DJ and bartender. Don't know know a treble crochet from a hole in the ground? The illustrious Jessy is here to teach you! As fast as you can say "worsted weight," she'll get you casting on, and hooking to your heart's content. Join the raffle for one of Crafty McSchnafty's adorable Fruit Suits, given away every week.

Don't delay. Join the hottest Hookers in Chicago!

I'm a Hustler, Baby

So, I have a website!

Need to cover your face and ears with a fashion Schneed?
CraftyMcSchnafty.com.

Do you have a problem with your apple's nudity?
CraftyMcSchnafty.com.

Plain scarves bore you to death?
CraftyMcSchnafty.com.

Think tea towels should be adorned with pinup girls?
CraftyMcSchnafty.com.

Searched high and low for a cupcake with a tiny taco on top?
CraftyMcSchnafty.com.

Tell your friends!

Bling Bling... Hello?

Yes, this is my craft. Yes, I've kept it a bit of a secret. No, I'm not worried about losing potential customers. I'm about to reveal the secret of the bling phone.

Here are the stats. It costs about 40 bucks. It lasts about 2 years. It takes 2 hours per side, with 24 hours of drying time between sides. You can consult this website to figure out how many rhinestones you need. I order them from Papi on eBay. Hotfix rhinestones have a little glue on the back for use with an iron. The hotfix iron is not really useful for bedazzling your phone. I was very dissatisfied with the results, and found it to be a waste of money. The real reason you're using hotfix rhinestones is because they are glass, which is less expensive than crystal, and more durable than plastic. You need a rhinestone tool to lift and affix the rhinestones. If you're doing more than one color of rhinestone, get some sort of dish that has sections so that you can easily discern and separate. Turn on the radio and get ready to bedazzle.

Find a comfy place to sit with lots of light. Pour out your rhinestones in a dish. Pour a tablespoon of Gem-Tac into a dish and use the toothpick to spread a little around your phone. I like to start on the edges--it makes the finished product look more perfect. Just spread a little glue, maybe a 1/4 inch square. Take the rhinestone tool and form the beeswax tip into a point. Pick up a rhinestone from the pretty side, and place the flat side down into the glue. If the tool holds onto the rhinestone, just use a toothpick to loosen it onto the surface of the phone. You'll see it takes a very gentle touch. There should be a little glue beading up around the edges of the rhinestone, but not gloppy. It will take practice to get it right. If you don't get at least a little glue around the edges, the rhinestone will pop off easily. Don't worry, it dries very clear, and the overall effect is super shiny. When you have filled your glue puddle with rhinestones, spread a little more glue and repeat.

During the blinging process, your dish of glue might get tacky and thick. Pour a fresh batch out and enjoy. Be careful not to cover holes in your phone, and be cautious of moving parts and buttons. You don't want your rhinestones to get dinged too much. Let one side dry for an entire 24 hours before attempting to finish the second side.

When it's ready for the outside world, you might want to invest in a fabric cell phone holder so that it doesn't get bumped in your bag/purse/backpack. Also, keep all your supplies handy in case you need to do some repairs. It happens.

Now, get ready for people to talk to you every day about your phone! I'm totally serious. You should let them touch it, and then give them my number if they want it done!

Feco De Gato

For all of you devoted readers, this is a repeat, but it bears repeating, don't you agree?

Kitty Litter Cake

Ingredients:
Chocolate Cake Mix (plus any eggs, oil, and water as directed)

Chocolate Pudding Mix (and milk, of course--you can use pre-made pudding, but homemade is better!)

Package of Shortbread Cookies (Keebler Simply Shortbread is my fave)

15-20 Tootsie Rolls

Blue and green food coloring

Small kitty litter tray, plastic litter box liner, and small pooper scooper to serve. 

Prepare the cake as directed, and cool completely.  Prepare pudding as directed.  Crumble the cake into a large mixing bowl.  Fold in the pudding.  Line the tray and pour in the cake-pudding mixture.  Level the mixture with a spatula (It doesn't have to be perfect). 

Blend shortbread cookies in a food processor, adding a few drops of blue food coloring to make a nice grayish color.  Reserve 2 tablespoons of crumbs in a plastic baggie.  Pour the crumbs all over the cake-pudding.  Add several drops of green and blue food coloring to the baggie of crumbs, until they are pine green.  Sprinkle on top of the gray crumbs. 

Form turds of various sizes and shapes from the Tootsie Rolls.  Microwave unwrapped candies for 10 seconds to speed up the process.  This is where you can show your creativity.  Turd forming cannot be taught.  It takes many years of scooping kitty poop to understand the subtleties of feline waste.  This is what will really sell the cake. 

Serve with the scooper.  Enjoy.  Or, at least, try to enjoy.