Introducing Lauren

A lot of people talk behind Lauren's back.  Myself included. 

Lauren burst into my office a few weeks ago.  She was trying to get people to join a pool or a fantasy league.  May the ghost of Harry Caray strike me dead, but I live in Chicago, and I HATE SPORTS!!  I have zero interest in stats, players, etc.  My office always rallies the troops, especially during the slow season, to join football pools and the like.  Anyway, I was doing my best to ignore her, because it looked like she was trying to make eye contact with me.  I did not want to throw good money away in the name of professional sports.  Well, Lauren waited.  She stood there until I paid attention to her.  Turns out she was assembling a fantasy league of celebrities.  Like the Betty Ford Olympics.  I had to laugh. 

I have heard people talk about Lauren.  Mutterings in the lunchroom about her superior work ethic.  I, myself, have gossipped that she is able to get along with just about anyone.  So, there.  I said it.  She's friendly.  OKAY??!!

Introducing Stephen

Hair. 

Long hair, blond hair, thick hair, eyebrow hair, HAIR!  Stephen's hair is to be envied.  I met Stephen in high school.  He was a couple years younger than me, and he just had this... hair.  I dunno, he had this page-boy haircut, a shade of blond you can't duplicate no matter how many highlights you pay for.  If that wasn't enough, he did what I wanted every boy to do in the early nineties.  He put it in little braids.  It was pretty cute.  About a year later, he did what I wanted NO boy to do in the early nineties.  He cut it!  But, even though it was shorter, it was equally dramatic in style.  Then he radically bleached his locks.  I missed the natural blond, but I envied his willingness to make a change like that.  I only had the guts to dye my hair maroon. 

This head of hair just seemed to have a life of its own.  I credit Stephen as being the first metrosexual I ever knew, mostly because I imagine he had an arsenal of hair products for his morning grooming regime. 

I look at Stephen's pictures now, and breathe a sigh of relief that his passion for good hair hasn't wavered.  Or maybe it's the hair that gets to make the decision.  Maybe Stephen never had a choice.  Hmm...

Introducing Greg

You know how you can just tell when a person is a lawyer?  Or a teacher?  Some folks just exude their profession.  My friend Greg is a cartoonist.  As well as drawing wild characters, Greg appears to be a living breathing cartoon.  He is larger than life physically, vocally, and comically.  Several months ago, Marky and I walked up the sidewalk to the gym.  Greg, already inside, spied us approaching, leapt over a table, and slapped himself onto the storefront window, resembling one of those super-stretchy gummy spiders that stick to walls.  He made desperate eye contact with us, breathing a little cloud of  fog on the glass. 

Another time, at a restaurant, Greg told us a story about a jungle animal (I thought it was a gorilla, but they're vegetarians, right?) that was sniffing its prey.  Instead of describing the scene to us with colorful adjectives and action words, he arched his head downward, puffed up his chest and began menacingly sniffing our faces.  That's the way to tell a story. 

He also draws really neat stuff and he likes kitties.  In addition to having huge biceps, he's also a big old sweetheart.

Introducing Dani

This is a tough one.  In high school, we had a little group of friends who hung out at lunch, had parties, went to football games, etc.  Dani was a part of my group, but I really never got to know her well in high school.  Although she was quiet, I remember her laughing a bunch and being really intelligent--smarty.  I was used to being the oldest in my class, since I was born in December.  But I think Dani was born in August before me, which meant she got her driver's license first--lucky.  Also, the first time I ever saw a laptop was at her house.  It had one of those little buttons in the middle of the keyboard that acted as a mouse--fancy.  Anyway, after high school, we just lost touch.

This is why I love blogs.  And MySpace, for that matter.  I don't think Dani and I really had any meaningful conversations when we were arm's length from each other, but I know so much about her now.  And I am really proud of who she is.  Find your old acquaintances.  They probably have something to say.

Introducing Tifanie

Tifanie was a Junior when I was a Freshman in high school.  We were in theater and French class together.  Tifanie was sort of dark and mysterious at first, but when I got to know her better, she was downright sweet and maternal.  There were three things that Tifanie did that I wanted to emulate: She laughed like a woman, not a girl.  She dyed her hair cool colors.   She also sounded like a real Frenchy when she recited text in Mr. Harrison's class. 

For reasons unknown to myself, Tifanie had an argument with a fellow thespian, Simon.  She was obviously very upset with him, and he needed to apologize.  In lieu of flowers (which would have been a good move at that point), Simon brought Tifanie an artichoke.  Instead of raising an eyebrow, like a scorned woman should have, Tifanie threw her head back in laughter and forgave him.  It was a good lesson for me. 

Oh, You Ate One, Too?

I almost cried on the treadmill. Not because I was in pain--they were potential tears of joy. Thank goodness for the sweat towel.

So, I caught the middle of the 2007 Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony yesterday. Zack de La Rocha was giving a speech, and after a friend and I had a lively discussion about Rage vs. Audioslave, I tuned in. He was nervously introducing Patti Smith. (Trivia: Why did Zack introduce Patti?) She slowly, also nervously, accepted and thanked all her family and friends. She told two stories that just killed me. One was about her husband telling her that she would be inducted into the Hall of Fame someday. He told her to accept it, act like a lady, and not use too many curse words. Her speech ran so long that they had to cut her off with some piano tinklings. She sang "Because the Night", which I never appreciated until then, and I think the Hall of Fame committee decided to cut her a break. She really had more speech to give. Before her second song, she paid tribute to her deceased mother, who LOVED Patti's music. Just hours before her death, Patti's mother asked her if she had gotten into the Hall of Fame yet. Patti told her she hadn't. Her mother told her that it would happen, and she wouldn't be there, but asked Patti to sing her favorite song. The song she liked to vaccuum to. And Patti launched into the electrifying "Rock 'n' Roll N*%$er". I am totally going to play that song the next time I have to vaccuum.

Now, name a member of the original line up of Van Halen. Now name another. And another. Do you know the last one? Eddie and Alex, David Lee Roth, those are gimmes, the only reason I know Michael Anthony's name is because I was raised on MTV, and "Hot for Teacher" was in heavy rotation in the early 80's. During Patti's speech, The camera panned the audience. Is that you, Michael Anthony? There's the unmisktakeable Sammy Hagar. Surely if Van Halen is being inducted today, the other boys would be shown soon. Who am I kidding? They probably had a fist fight backstage right before the show started. Velvet Revolver (fittingly) introduced the tumultuous band, and out came Sammy, Michael, and... nobody else. I guess Eddie is drying up at home, and who knows about David and Alex.

Well, Sammy said some very sweet stuff about Eddie. He also pointed out the tight harmonies that make Van Halen's unmistakeable sound. Sammy said it never would have sounded that way without Michael Anthony. All I have to say is, that after all the bad behavior at awards shows, the one who never seemed to talk any shit, was Michael Anthony. And in my opinion, this is the award that counts. And he was the one who finally got the spotlight on the big day. Yay, underdog. And although the Hall of Fame committee didn't recognize him award-wise, Michael gave props to Gary Cherone for his participation. What a good guy.

Oh, and, 1984 is still easily one of my top ten favorite albums.

What is My Thesis Statement???

I want to tell all my friendsand family to give up about 14 hours of their time.  I think that the "Up Series" is as important to watch as "Roots".  There are 7 episodes in all.  Just trust me.  Director Michael Apted interviewed a handful of 7-year olds in England in 1963.  Then he revisted them every seven years.  Simple concept.  "Give me the child until he is 7, I will show you the man."  Kids from different socioeconomic backgrounds.  They sampled children from elite private schools to orphanages.  Originally, I think the plan was just to see if these kids were destined to stay in the class they were born into.  OK.  I don't want to give anything away, but I want to give people a reason to watch these movies. 

I am obsessed with these people.  The stardom-obsessed freaks on Fear Factor, Idol, Real World, and any other modern reality show have nothing on these extraordinarily ordinary people.  I love little kids, so the first installment, "7-Up" was wonderful.  I saw these little kids with hopes and dreams, and the world at their doorstep.   They all had cute English accents and are dressed in tidy school uniforms.  Irresistable. 

Then, remembering the torture of adolescence, I was drawn to "14-Up".  Knowing that childhood is the shortest part of life, I wanted to catch them before they looked like full-blown adults.  I wanted to know if they were still hopeful, if they were gawky teens, sullen, etc.  "21-Up" would surely show what these kids were shaping up to become as adults. And since I was around that age at the time I first saw the series, "28-Up" was important to me.  By the time I got through all those years of history, I was hopelessly hooked. 

After watching the Roger Ebert interview with Michael Apted, I learned that there is at least one person who watched all the movies in a 24-hour period.  We came close.  It probably took us two weeks.  That was over a year ago, and the series only went up to age 42.  We finally stumbled upon "49-Up" in Hollywood Video.  It has been checked out for at least a month.  I snatched it two days ago, and Marky and I dove in. 

What is it about this series?  I guess I find it interesting that every human has a story.  No matter how dull a person's life may seem at first, there is a story there.  And the idea of a self-fulfilling prophecy, for the good or the bad.  Also, not to judge a book by its cover. 

I guess I just needed to get my love for this series off my chest.  I know everyone has a busy life, but if you are about to pop in "Tommy Boy" or "Zoolander" for the 13th time, give the "Up Series" some thought.